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A positive change

 
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Effingo
Posts until end: 1000


Joined: 21 Mar 2005
Posts: 5

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2005 7:54 pm    Post subject: A positive change Reply with quote

It's quiet. Not a single animal in sight. As if they fled from some horror. Or perhaps it's just my immagination. The moonlight makes the trees look almost alive, as if they were moving or even whispering in the wind. Well what do we have here?

-Hey Jack! Bring another bottle over by the fire will ya?
-Will do brother, will do.
-Ye still haven't told me about Mary, ye know.
-Well ye haven't asked now have ya?
-So tell me little brother. Tell me all about it.
-I'm thinking about asking for her hand.
-Really!? That's great! I'm so glad for ya! Ye know, when I was... what was that?
-What?
-Quiet, didn't you hear it? I think it came from over there. Get the crossbow Jack.
Wait, where's our money? It was right here, the pouch, just by the fire, to the left of me. Where did it go?
-I don't know, you're probably just getting drunken brother.
-I know it was right here. We have to find it! Help me find it.

While I was counting the money. I felt a bit sorry for that man. I mean starting a family isn't cheap. Although they did seem to have more money than just this. Two silver and thirtyfive copper coins, not bad for a few minutes of work. So I resumed my journey.


As I watched the sunrise I couldn't help but thinking what would have happened if things were different. If I, for example, didn't leave home to go looking for something that I don't even know exists. Right now, I could go for peace of mind and some sleep.
I figured I should get going, get to the next town that is. And now that I've gotten some money, I might even settle for a few days or even a week.

-Ahh Kingshill, it's bigger than I expected, he said, quietly for himself.
-Tomatoes, cucumber, apples, at small costs! We've got potatoes, onions, garlic, you name it!

The daily market was crowded with people. In that mess he managed to spot a banner, "The Golden Rooster", a local inn to be precise. It was larger than one might think, even for a town the size of Kingshill. The door opened without a squeek. This place looks expensive, he thought. He stepped in and was met with a warm greeting. Not the kind of warm greeting that he never usually gets anyway, more like the "hello sir, let me take those money off your burdened shoulders" kind of greeting. It felt good nonetheless.

-G'day to ye sir. The man behind the counter had the kind smile that would scare the cows off a farm.
-Hi, Effingo replied with a small and quick smile. I'm looking for a bed for a few days.
-Well you've come to the right place sir! The clerc said with the same smile, as if it was burnt into his face and he had to live with the horror for the rest of his life. Fifty copper per night and that would include breakfast my dear sir.
"Breakfast..." he thought, hadn't had that for a long time. It sounded a bit too cheap though, but considering the size of this town, there had to be more than one inn, which means better prices.
-Alright, here's your fifty copper. He didn't really care, as long as he had a warm bed to rest his eyes in, he would be satisfied.
-And here's your key sir, room 14. By now the smile was gone, he shivered just by thinking about it.
-Thanks, he replied and grabbed it while walking towards the hallway.
-Will you be staying for more than just one night sir? the clerc asked. As he turned around to reply he noticed the clercs smile was back. He jumped a bit as if he just saw a ghost.
-I... I... don't know. He said and hurried to the hallway.

He opened the door and had a first glance of the room. It's nice, he thought. He crashed on the bed and said, finaly some sleep, with a long sigh.


-Effingo! Effingo!
-Where are you? I can't see you.
-Effingo! I'm over here Effingo.
-Where?!
-Over here, behind you.
-I can't see you, where are you? He turned around to look behind him and there was this horrifying...

He woke up with a twitch. It was just a bad dream. He noticed it's morning and figured that he must have passed out and slept through the whole day. A lot of thoughts went through his mind at that point, what to do with the day, where to head after Kingshill, how he got this damn headache that was going to kill him if it didn't stop. Suddenly, that breakfast didn't sound so bad anymore.
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..."people aren't born crazy Effingo, however you will be if you keep thinking too much"...
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Effingo
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Joined: 21 Mar 2005
Posts: 5

PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 2:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hit me with opinions so far. =|
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Manifold
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Joined: 01 Dec 2004
Posts: 457
Location: Treading my dreams, UK

PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 7:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mmm. The conversation at the beginning. You might want to put more description into it. It lacks it greatly. There's a few spelling mistakes, but they're easily ironed out. I like this. Keep on writing(!)
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Once known as Novan Silverglow
'So can you name your demon?
Understand its scheming/
I raise my glass and say "here's to you".'


The DOD News - http://darianews.talonz.com (Lying Dormant)
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Effingo
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Joined: 21 Mar 2005
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 3:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm currently writing everything in notepad so you have to bare with me. There should be some spelling errors but I'll try to correct that in the next episode. However about the first dialogue, it was kind of ment to be blurry, let the reader have a bigger part in the story instead of me paining it up. Thanks for your feedback though. =)
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..."people aren't born crazy Effingo, however you will be if you keep thinking too much"...
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Stant
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Joined: 02 Dec 2004
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 12:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Write it in wordpad then. It's on your start menu a little bit below notepad... At least then you'll get to use some formatting and you get a spell checker.
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This change isn't because of Kal's request to change it, it's to tell the community that I'm pissed at him because he fucked me over by not sticking up for me when he should have, instead he blasted me. I have no problem with Daria or any of it's other staff. It was changed in response to his lies about fixing it, which he did NOT do.
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zolaman
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Joined: 12 Jan 2005
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Location: baltimore MD USA

PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 3:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like it, i actually read the entire thing (which i rarely do on most big posts)

oh well, back to reading school crap......
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Effingo
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Joined: 21 Mar 2005
Posts: 5

PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 6:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wordpad doesn't have a spell checker. Also I'm writing the next part in wordpad. As soon as I get my internet connection, I'll be able to get staroffice or something.
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..."people aren't born crazy Effingo, however you will be if you keep thinking too much"...
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Stant
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Joined: 02 Dec 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 11:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh... Hmm. Yeah, I guess it doesn't... Oh well. Go to www.openoffice.org and you can download a office suite of programs that are free to use.
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This change isn't because of Kal's request to change it, it's to tell the community that I'm pissed at him because he fucked me over by not sticking up for me when he should have, instead he blasted me. I have no problem with Daria or any of it's other staff. It was changed in response to his lies about fixing it, which he did NOT do.
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Thanquol
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Joined: 02 Dec 2004
Posts: 239
Location: London

PostPosted: Sat Apr 09, 2005 10:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stant wrote:
Oh... Hmm. Yeah, I guess it doesn't... Oh well. Go to www.openoffice.org and you can download a office suite of programs that are free to use.


You'd better watch out for Microsoft spies - they can hang you ya know.
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